Not creepy, just odd.

This is someone's first message to me. We had never spoken before and I don't think we were about a 30% match (he's deleted his profile now so can't check).

I asked someone what they first noticed about me. They said my bald spot. Gits.

Well, okay then. Good to know.

I'm not sure what happened here.

So this guy had been talking to me for about ten minutes at this point. He was another person who seemed allergic to punctuation and correct spellings, and put two or three Xs on everything. Ick. Anyway, before this he had asked where I live and if I wanted to meet up (er, no).

Him: Yh I know u got any kids xx
Me: No, I'm 19. (like, is teen pregnancy now just assumed?)
Me: My profile says I have no kids.
Him: Oh sorry xx I had two but my ex killed them xxx

And that was the point when I stopped responding.

Creeper alert!

This guy’s profile says he lives in Ireland. He had been messaging me, but nothing very interesting until this point.

Him: Okay you are right, actually I reading your profile I like you, your profile is very interesting, I know you live in different country, no long far away, I don't know what you think about me,
Me: I think that you use far too many commas and should consider the merits of the full stop. I don't know, I just know that we live in different countries so anything aside from long-distance friendship isn't going to work.
Him: I know but no long far away only few minutes journey, actually I live in London last 3 year may family is there,
Me (Norwich): That's still rather far, not really a few minutes' journey. That's a few hours' journey, so as I said, nothing but long-distance friendship is going to work.
Him: I am not loying you, I see your pictures you looking great, I like you, I think you living with me just few days you know me and I know you,
Me: What is loying? Also, are you seriously inviting me to come and stay with you? I don't know you and I'm not going to go stay with a stranger, especially so far away.
Him:I am not fraud, you not happy living with me ok no problem, you living separate ok I don't mind,
Me: Yep, I'm happy living here.

"I'm so alone, be my friend"

Note: He is in Liverpool.

Him: Hi beautiful
I like your profile
I'm new here and looking for friends or more
Hope we can be friends or more if you like to
Me: First off, my name's not Beautiful. Second, I'm not looking for anything more than friendship right now.
Him: Hello
Him: Sorry Heather
Him: I called you beutiful cuz you are indeed
Him: And me either
Him: I am looking for a friendship
Him: I said maybe more or maybe not
Him: I'm so alone here wothout any friends
Him: Tonight is Saturday night and I'm at home
Him: Seriously it's really hard to live without friends
Me: Then perhaps you should try looking in your local area. Also, you said you were looking for more, so don't lie. I don't care if you're looking for more really. Also, I really don't appreciate people coming in with "beautiful" and the like. I far prefer knowing they've actually looked at my profile and seen something they like other than my face.
Him: And that's why I had to come and sign up into this application and try to finding friends
Him: Hope you understand me and forgive me if I called you beautiful
Him (half a minute after the last message): Are u there?
Him: Or maybe you don't wanna answer?
Me: Yes, I'm here. I am doing things other than being on here constantly.
Him: I saw ur profile bye the way
Him: And I am not lier
Him: I saw you answer which is really close to mine
Him: That's why I sent u a message

I gave up at this point, he’s an illiterate idiot.

Another "romantic scenario"...

Seriously, who responds positively to these? People forcing their weird scenarios onto me are just odd. What's wrong with "Hello"?

Random 32 year old man: Hey there. Let me create a romantic scenario for you: You are at a wedding as you know the bride.... It has been a beautiful, magical day. But during the reception, a man in his late 20s/early 30s who you personally found attractive asks you for a dance. X What would you say? Xx

Me: I'd say no, I don't dance unless I'm very drunk, and even then with no one except my dad. I'd also say that I find people who begin conversations by forcing their "romantic scenarios" on people half their age rather creepy, and even more so when they put Xs on the message.
Note: Dad and I dance together because we're both terrible and a bit dangerous, and no one else will usually dance with us. 
Also, I'm 19 so not half his age, but still significantly younger than him. 

I'm not sure if this guy is the same one who sent me another "romantic scenario" a few posts back. I checked my OKC messages but must have deleted that one, so I don't know if this guy is the same.

I then ventured a look at his profile. He seems to have a very set idea of his future bride.

Sincere and down to earth, my lady love has to be pure of heart, (what does that even mean?) honest and a jolly person! I hope to complete the perfect picture of my life with a loving and sincere partner. As a photographer, my job is to look for the most beautiful things out there and capture them and that's exactly what I intend to do. I'm searching for my Mona Lisa who I'm sure is waiting out
there in The Starry Night looking for me as I am for her.

The type of woman I find attractive tends to be passionate about nature and getting outside. She knows the difference between a good Cabernet and a bad Sauvignon and can keep up during conversations that extend beyond the latest celebrity scandal. If that sounds like you, send me a message and let’s chat more… (because that's not sexist at all, you know. Most women are totally vapid and care about nothing more than Kate Middleton's vagina or what Tiger Woods did. I don't keep up with celebs so I have no idea what's happening with them now, I know my examples are old!)

Also, he didn't mention height in his "first things people notice section"! He just wrote something mildly creepy...

That my civilised demeanour doesn’t quite fit with my less than innocent eyes.

Looking at profiles...

So today, as you may have guessed, I'm looking at profiles of people that OKC thinks I might like. One, who is an 80% match, and rather cute, caught my eye. However, I am a little put off by finding this in his profile:

I think the thing I'm best at is being a friend and a boyfriend. I like to think I'm one of the very view genuine guys left in the world! :)

It wasn't in bold, but I'm using bold to show profile quotes in this post, you see. Anyway, this just really puts me off. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I dislike it when people make a big deal of being "genuine", as if everyone else in the world is deceitful. Surely genuine-ness should be the norm? He is trying to make out that there are very few nice guys in the world, and anyone would be lucky to have him, in my opinion. Besides that, why is his best thing "being a friend and boyfriend"? This section is usually used to showcase skills or nice qualities. This tells me nothing! Everyone likes different things, you know? Also, he clearly doesn't proofread. Still, his literacy skills are better than most on the internet...

Another one amused me. The section was "The most private thing I'm willing to admit"

I love sex ;)

I think that one's pretty self-explanatory!

Wait, hold on, guys. I've just found a guy who sells wine for a living. I've found THE ONE. I'm messaging this one. I know this blog is for all the creepers but I feel I should show you all that there are some nice (wine-providing) profiles!

The next winner is so inspiring, I will post everything on his profile. Here goes: 

Enthusiastic, play football sex god

Brilliant. 

I think OKC is running out of matches for me. Also, looking through profiles, I have noticed that under the "The first thing people notice about me" section, most guys (I haven't looked at many girls' profiles) seem to mention their height. I can understand this if they are especially tall or short (I have height in that section of my profile, as I am 5'1, and so people do tend to comment on it), but most of the ones I have seen tend to be average height, like around 5'10 (There is a section for demographics and one thing is height, so most people have theirs up). I don't understand that. Why would you notice something average as the first thing? Maybe that's just me, but if I meet a person of average height, I don't tend to focus on it- I focus on hair, eyes, clothing, whatever. This is just another online dating mystery...


UPDATE:

I've just found this on a profile under the "first things" section.

pfffft that I am average height at 5ft 7 ....... yes average not short!

I think this proves my point. I also think that he may have a height complex.

Today's gem

Again, this guy is from OKC. I talk to these people because I'm bored and they amuse me. If they get boring or offensive, I leave.

Him: Hi I hate conversations that start like this, like what are you expecting me to say?

Me: Hi.

Him: How was ur day

Me: Good, I guess, nothing amazing. How was yours?

Him: Hee hee
Him: Myn was samd nuthng amazing just went simply
Him: So wat r u doing nw
Him: Hey by d way u luk pretty n beautiful

Me: Just sitting here, finishing up some work and drinking hot chocolate. You?

Him: Ohhh wowww

Me: What?

Him: Dis is nt fair u r drinking alone without ma company

Me: It's totally fair, I think. Drinking hot chocolate is great alone.

Him: Myself just doing some studies n now on bed chatting with u
Him: Ok ok sry sry
Him: Njoy ur hot choclate alone
Him: I was just kidding
Him: So u r pshycology student sounds intresting

Me: It is, I'm halfway through my degree now.

Him: Grt
Him: So how you gt intrested in this subject

Me: I did it in sixth form and loved it. It provides a way to help people, which is what I've always wanted to do.

Him: Impressive u r so sweet n pure by heart
Him: I wish n pray u gt d success all d wAy in ur life
Him: So what all u study i mean how u tackle these people

Me: I don't know about that, I guess I'm as sweet as anyone else. I just think everyone deserves help when they need it.

Him: Thats true
Him: I agree
Him (slightly later because I couldn’t think of a reply to his last message): Slept

Me: Slept?

Him: Oops i mean did u slept or awake
Him: Tomorrow u wl b going college

Me: No, I'm awake, and I'm not in university tomorrow.

Him: Ohh great
Him: So any plans on this valentine day

Me (going all Kat Stratford on him. Also this is my actual opinion, I’m not just trying to deflect his intentions): No. I dislike Valentine's Day on principle- it's a commercialised holiday designed to guilt people into buying overpriced crap to somehow prove their love. Also, if you love someone, you should show them every day, not just one arbitrarily chosen one each year. However, my friend's birthday is that day so I guess I might be doing something with him.

Him: Ohhhh thats great thinking on dis day i do have same opinion 

Him: And on that day nehow u r with a guy (is this a requirement on V day?)

Him: Dats grt

Him: So r u single

Me: It's great that I'm with a guy? I guess, probably with his girlfriend too. Yes, I'm single. (as stated on my profile)

Him: Ohhh he gt gf 

So what u expect from ur guy i mn what u have dream about ur guy or ur prince

Me: What? About my friend? I expect him to be nice to me, I guess. yes, he's got a girlfriend and she's awesome. We talk about cats together.

Him: No i mean what do u expect from ur in future boyfriend n what qualities u want in him

Me: I don't really think about it, to be honest. I find that if you have set hopes, no one will be able to live up to them. I guess I'd want a future partner to live fairly close by, be intelligent, have a job or be in education, and be well-groomed. (Note: this guy lives nowhere near me and clearly has problems with literacy. his profile has no info on jobs and education, so no idea there)

Anyway, this guy is not giving up but is kind of boring now, so I'll spare you the rest unless something interesting comes up. Laters. 

Another OKC guy...

RandomDudeTwiceMyAge: Hi there, allow me to create a romantic scenario for you: It's 8am and you are on a busy train, heading to work/college.... The man sitting opposite you, whom you find very attractive, looks up from his kindle - He offers you a smile and says that you have a cute smile. X How would you respond? Xx

Me: I'd tell him that real books don't have batteries, and hell yes, everything about me is adorable. I'd also tell him I'm not looking for a relationship and that pushing his 'romantic scenarios' on random people is very impersonal and kind of creepy.

Also, am I the only one who thinks it's creepy when strangers put Xs in messages? I only put them in messages to my very best friends or my close family. Maybe I'm just too British!

Also, I know I'm posting a lot at once. I have a backlog of these, I'm not getting so many at once!

The time I trolled a guy on Omegle...

My thoughts in italics. I like Omegle people, they take themselves so seriously.

You: Meow I meow sometimes, okay
Stranger: Tell me your name.
You: Tell me yours first, then.
Stranger: Ladies first.
You: And you know my gender?
Stranger: Yeah.
You: Ooh scary psychic
Stranger: You better watch out.
You: You better not cry....
Stranger: Yeah I'll try
You: You ruined it!
You: No Santa for you
Stranger: Where are you from?
You: Where are you from?
Stranger: Shape up or you'll talk to someone else
You: If you expect information from a stranger, it's only polite to offer yours. Oh, I'm so worried, Stranger doesn't like me. I'd better conform to his desires pretty quick.
Stranger: So you you're asian or something? Cool
You: You are actually hilarious, I'm liking this conversation because it's so ridiculous. I'm Asian? Really? I didn't realise.
Stranger: They seem the most shy about their heritage.
Stranger: Or from India maybe. Maybe thats asian. I dont know.
You: ...that's not racist in any way then. Yes, dear, India is in Asia.
You: I'm not shy about my heritage at all- I just value politeness, a sentiment few seem to share.
Stranger: I think even asking is a form of politeness.
Stranger: But whatever. If you don't want to reply, you can ask me something instead I guess.
You: I'm not sure about that but we can disagree amicably. However, I do think that if you expect information from a stranger, you need to offer your own information. I don't care about where you are from, and don't see why it matters in conversation.
You: Alright.
You: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Stranger: No clue.
You: Not a Monty Python fan, I surmise. Black mark against you, sir.
Stranger: I think I saw it once.
You: Which one?
Stranger: Something with a butler
You: Points for trying.
You: What else can I ask? I wondr.
You: Wonder, even.
Stranger: Only one way to find out.
Stranger: Whenever you're ready to step outside of your shell and reply to questions too, just say
You: I'm ready any time you want, sweetheart. When you're ready to offer your information first, go right ahead. As I said, I don't care about your demographics in conversation, but if you want mine, you need to give your own.
Stranger: Sweden, male, 22
Stranger: Favorite color is blue
Stranger: Hmmm
Stranger: I like meat rare
You: Oh good
You: Me too, just show the cow the grill
Stranger: Yeahp
Stranger has disconnected.

A recent OKC creep...

Notes: This guy is from the United Arab Emirates, and I'm in England. We are 0% match. I had posted this on another site, and had already changed his username and now am too lazy to change it to something else. I won't ever post their real usernames, so I usually go for something mildly offensive. Sorry if it offends anyone, in some way... Also, my name is not Orchid on OKC. That's my username for the other site I posted this on. Words in italic are my thoughts. I was kind of rude to him but I was having a bad day and he was pissing me off.

CreepyMcFuck: Hey......:)

Orchid: Hello. I could tell from here that he was going to be a timewaster. I hate it when people misuse ellipses

CreepyMcFuck: How are u.....? Oh good, he types like a child

Orchid: I am well. How are you?

CreepyMcFuck: I am cool..... U have skpye? because this is totally what you say to someone you’ve messaged twice

Orchid: No, but I have Skype. The pedant in me couldn’t resist

CreepyMcFuck: Why u not give id ?

Orchid: Do you really expect me to give my contact details to a complete stranger?

CreepyMcFuck: I want to see u .... But u ....say I can't give is ok lololo ????? seriously, what is he trying to say?

Orchid: I didn't understand most of what you just said, but I will attempt to answer. You can see my in my photos, and I'm not here to be wank fodder. If the only thing you care about is my looks, kindly leave me alone. I really can't decipher the second half of your reply, so I'm afraid I can't answer that.

CreepyMcFuck: I want good panther of life.... A good way to find life partners is to message random women in different countries and ask for their Skype. That’s a sure way to make them wife you!

Orchid: I assume when you said "panther" you meant "partner". If you actually meant panther, I'm worried. Seriously though, how in hell do you expect to find a partner by asking random women to Skype with you? I do not Skype with anyone I don't know well, and you seem to be only interested in my looks. That is incredibly insulting, not to mention the fact that you completely ignore what I say. I find it so insulting when all people comment on is wanting to see me or my looks. If I have nothing better to offer than my face, that’s terrible. In a Dorian Gray-style way

CreepyMcFuck: Ok .... Can u come to skpye please. I can't see you're face ok I want to see you're hart ?ok can he be more desperate? Also, nice try at being soppy

CreepyMcFuck: I thing you are good .... oh, praise the lord, he thinks I’m good. Clearly I care what he thinks.

CreepyMcFuck: That why I like u ?

Orchid: No. I am not Skyping with a stranger I can barely understand, who ignores everything I say. You think I'm good, oh well that's amazing, clearly I'm your soulmate. I don't think you've even looked at my profile, and I honestly don't know what you expect from me. As far as I can tell, you just want wank fodder. You know nothing about me.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok tell me .... Full what u say ???? I seriously have no idea what he’s asking for here

Orchid: What? I really cannot understand you. I've sent you enough detail in these messages- surely you can figure out why I'm not interested in Skyping?

CreepyMcFuck: Why .? But I like u ?? Why

Orchid: Why what? I don't care what you think of me. I honestly don't. You're a stranger who expects me to Skype because you 'like' me. You don't know me, and you have not mentioned a single thing that you like about me aside from my face. You don't like me. You don't know me. I have already said that I don't Skype with strangers, especially those who I find insulting. What is so hard to understand here?

CreepyMcFuck: Ok cool? But what I do ... I like u ?? I am banging my head against a wall, aren’t I?

Orchid: I don't know what you do. I also don't know what you expect. You live in a different country to me, so I really don't know what you're expecting to happen. I still don't care what you think, because you clearly don't like me. You like my photos. Tell you what- learn to spell, learn some grammar, then come back to me.

CreepyMcFuck: I see you're profile .... Ok I see u ok .... My hart like u ... But country is one side ok ... Really I like u .... That s it ....... give it up already

CreepyMcFuck: U can talk me after u no me .... That's why I tell u come to skpye .

Orchid: One side? What? Reading a profile is not enough to make any choices on. You are pushy and rude, and your grammar is giving me a headache. Your "hart" will survive being uncared about by a stranger. I know I’m also being rude, but this guy is persistent and repetitive, and clearly has not even looked at my profile

CreepyMcFuck: Rely I like u ??

CreepyMcFuck: Ok cool…. Babe
Orchid: Uh-huh. Go on then, I'll bite. Why do you like me? Aside from my face, what is "good" about me? I'm still not going on Skype with you, and you are being very rude by pushing it after I have repeatedly said no.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok… Cool babe

Orchid: Do not call me babe. How dare you presume to call me anything? This just proves my point about you not reading my profile. My name is on there. I do not know you, I do not care about you, and I do not want to. getting angry here- I detest it when people do this. Only people very close to me use pet names for me, and I hate it when strangers try.

CreepyMcFuck: I no you're name ok.... Cool ok ....

Orchid: No, it's not "cool". You are rude and disrespectful, and there is no reason for me to put up with you. He’s fast on his way to becoming my first block on here

CreepyMcFuck: Tell me how I take u? getting creeped out here…

CreepyMcFuck: Ok sorry.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok sorry

Orchid: How you take me? What is that supposed to mean?

CreepyMcFuck: Ok tell me what I do .... I like u

CreepyMcFuck: Yas u read massage? what?

CreepyMcFuck: Ok what I say ok more what?

Orchid: You read all of my messages up to this point and realise that I am not interested in you, at all. You then go away.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok

CreepyMcFuck: Finish now all ?

Orchid: What?

CreepyMcFuck: U say go away

Orchid: Yes, yes I did. You understand it, but you are not doing it.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok thanks .... U are happy now .... where is the block button?

Orchid: I am since I now foresee you leaving me alone.

CreepyMcFuck: Ok ... I want u .... But u kick me

Orchid: Oh, poor baby! Let me quickly move to your country and love you because you've taken a fancy to my photo. Congrats, you are the first to make my OKC block list. yes I’m being rude, but he will not give up and I am getting rather pissed at him. Also, I found the button

Aaand end scene. Clearly this guy liked me a lot.